Off The Record
by ThePossibilityOfMagic
Summary: For Detective Kate Beckett, uncovering secrets and finding the truth is all part of the job. But tonight, it's her housewarming party, and Beckett has a few secrets of her own to reveal. *Set mid season 3


_Hey there, readers. As some of you may know, this is my first oneshot in quite a while, and I can definitely say that it feels good to be back on the proverbial horse. _

_So, a little background for this story (because I feel it's going to be required): I started this story probably in about mid-January, and it's been languishing in my WIP folder ever since. But tonight I happened to feel the sudden inspiration to finish it, and so here it is. So, important point number one: this story is set sometime soon after the Knockdown/Lucky Stiff kind of time period, but definitely before the events of Set Up/Countdown. Important point number two: this story is AU. Well, everything is pretty much the same, really, except that Gina has been out of the picture for a long time, and there's a lot more to Beckett and Josh's relationship than meets the eye..._

_~And of course, I don't own any of these characters, but due to the magnanimity of Andrew Marlowe, I do get to play with them now and then :) ~_

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><p>"I think a toast is probably called for," Beckett said suddenly, raising her voice slightly over the cheerful buzz of conversation in the room. Immediately there was quiet, and five pairs of eyes fixed upon her, looking interested and expectant.<p>

Clearing her throat theatrically, Beckett lifted her beer and began, "To Scott Dunn–" seeing five sets of eyebrows rise simultaneously, she grinned and continued, "To Scott Dunn, the murdering bastard, for destroying my old apartment and giving me the opportunity to find this one."

There were a few laughs and cheers as everyone else raised their bottles. "To Scott Dunn," they said together, then laughed as Castle added mischievously, "The murdering bastard."

Taking a brief swig of her beer, Beckett casually leaned back in her chair and looked around at the smiling faces of her unorthodox family, unable to suppress her grin. The six of them were seated haphazardly around her coffee table, on top of which rested a large ice-filled tub well stocked with beer, all here together to celebrate her new home.

To her left, Lanie and Esposito had claimed most of the couch, cuddled up cozily together now that they'd discovered that their secret was not so much a secret but rather a widespread, well-known fact. On Esposito's other side sat Ryan, who, now that her toast was done, was once more animatedly telling the captain about the plans for his and Jenny's upcoming wedding. At that moment Montgomery looked up and caught her eye, tweaking an eyebrow just slightly, and she had to bite her lip to keep herself from grinning.

"Something amusing, Detective?"

The final member of her party, Castle sat casually in the chair to her right, looking perfectly at home.

Looking across to meet his eye, she saw that he was watching her with interest, and had no doubt been studying her so all evening.

With a smile, she answered, "No, I'm just…" she paused, giving a small shrug, then said, "happy."

"I'm glad," he said genuinely, wearing a small smile of his own. Then, drawing his chair slightly closer to hers– though they had already been seated quite close– he leaned forward, his eyes on hers.

"Look, Kate, I've been thinking…" he began quietly, and instantly Beckett felt her heart start pounding just a little faster, not even noticing that she had mirrored him, leaning in close to listen. Looking suddenly uncertain, he took a deep breath while she held her own, waiting.

After a moment of silent struggle, he opened his mouth to speak, but his words were suddenly cut short by a swift knock on the door.

For a moment she could do nothing but blink, still too caught up in Castle to immediately respond. Then suddenly reality reclaimed her, and she jumped up, remembering with a slight sense of surprise that there was to be yet another addition to their little party.

"Oh, that'll be Josh," she quickly explained to the others, who were looking questioningly at her. As she set her bottle down on her chair, she couldn't help but send a quick glance at Castle, who appeared to be entirely unbothered by the announcement of Josh's arrival.

And anyone else may have believed him to be. But she knew Castle, knew his every look and expression. And right now, he was unhappy, perhaps even a little hurt, but trying hard to hide it.

Heading for the door, she found herself only feeling more glad that Josh was finally here. As she unlocked the door, she glanced once more back at the others, seeing that Castle had gotten to his feet and was hastily grabbing another chair for their circle.

Pulling the door open wide, she grinned, throwing her arms around the tall, ridiculously handsome man who stood in her doorway.

"Josh, I'm so glad you came," she said warmly, then pulled away, looking past him to the second visitor, a handsome man with blond hair and glasses.

"Paul, great to see you. Come in, and I'll introduce you to everybody."

Closing the door behind them, she stood beside the two men and gestured around at the others.

"You guys know Josh," she said, looking around at the others in the circle.

"Good to see you all again," Josh said, giving them a friendly wave as they greeted him. Beckett couldn't help but notice that Castle, who had busied himself with getting a second chair, didn't say a word.

Beckett took a breath. "And everybody, this is Josh's partner, Paul."

There was a sudden, small noise from off to her left, and with a flicker of surprise Beckett realized that Castle had just almost dropped the chair he was holding.

Hoping no one else had noticed, she quickly continued, "Paul, this is my girl Lanie –" Lanie smiled and waved, the only one of the others to look completely unsurprised– "Detectives Esposito and Ryan–" the boys nodded in acknowledgement, wearing identical poker faces– "my boss, Captain Roy Montgomery–" the chief raised a hand slightly, only the slightest tilt of his eyebrow giving away his surprise– "and my partner, Castle."

Glancing briefly at Castle, she was relieved to see that he'd recovered quickly from his shock, even managing a genuine-looking smile and a "Hey," when Paul looked in his direction.

"Lovely to meet you, everyone," Paul said with a slightly shy smile.

"Take a seat, guys, and I'll grab you a drink," Beckett said cheerfully. "Beers okay?" she added, heading toward the stock of drinks on the coffee table.

"Beers would be perfect, thanks, Kate," Josh answered as he and Paul approached the circle of chairs.

Thankfully, the others had already returned to their previous conversations, meaning she was able to focus more closely on Castle and their newcomers without embarrassment, surreptitiously watching as Josh took the chair that Castle had just placed down beside the captain. Paul immediately took the one beside him, leaving the chair beside hers vacant. Seeing the pure, unmasked surprise on Castle's face, she had to look down quickly, biting her lip to hide her smile.

Grabbing a couple of bottles from the tub, she stepped over and handed one to each of the two men as Castle slowly retook his previous seat, still looking slightly bemused.

Picking her bottle up off her chair, Beckett settled back into her seat, taking a much-needed gulp of her beer. Across from her, she could see Josh and the captain chuckling over something, and couldn't resist raising her voice to ask, "So, Josh, what do you think of the place?"

Looking over at her with a grin, he replied, "Well, I can see why you were so ready to move out of my digs. This is much more you."

"So, how is it that you two became roommates, anyway?" Lanie asked suddenly, and Beckett shot her a look torn halfway between exasperation and gratitude. Lanie already knew everything there was to know about her friendship with Josh, but she'd clearly decided that everyone else– or perhaps one person in particular– needed to know as well.

"Josh and I go way back," Beckett explained to the others, who were now all listening with interest. "We lived in the same dorm during college, and we've been pretty close ever since," she said, shooting him a quick grin before continuing, "and then when he heard I'd lost my apartment, he knew I had nowhere to go. So he offered me a place to stay until I found a new place of my own."

"Took you long enough," Josh said with a laugh. "I was beginning to think we were going to be roomies forever, and as much as I love you, Katie, I have to say that I'm _not _going to miss the bras scattered all over the place, or the lipstick stains on all my glasses, or all your beauty products taking up all the room in the bathroom cabinet…" grinning, he trailed off, and everybody laughed– all except for Castle, who simply smiled, still looking a little dazed.

"So Paul, what is it you do?" Montgomery asked a few moments later, leaning around Josh to look at the blonde newcomer. Within minutes he, Paul, Josh and Ryan were all busily discussing Paul's work as a structural engineer, and to her left Lanie and Esposito were murmuring quietly together, leaving her and Castle sitting together in silence.

While the others' attention was directed elsewhere, Beckett took the opportunity to send a glance in Castle's direction, trying to gauge his thoughts. Studying him as he stared down at the bottle in his hands, she tried vainly to think of something to say.

That in itself was proof that their relationship had already begun to change now that he that knew the truth about Josh; it had been a while since she'd last felt tongue-tied around Castle, but now, without her secret to hide behind, she felt oddly exposed, unprotected. And yet, at the same time, she also felt strangely liberated, excited at the thought of what could lie ahead.

Unable to find the right thing to say, she simply took a sip of her beer, casually shifting on her chair so her knee brushed inadvertently against his. That seemed to pull him momentarily from his reverie; she saw his head tilt almost imperceptibly as his gaze fixed on her knee, before he slowly lifted his gaze to meet her eyes.

For several moments they simply stared at one another, their gazes locked, until Ryan spoke up from across the circle, capturing their attention.

"So Josh, you got any good dirt on Beckett that you can share with us? You've known each other long enough that you've gotta have some good stories."

Josh bit his lip, raising his eyebrows. "I don't think I dare tell you about anything that happened while she lived with me, because I think she'd kill me if I aired her–" he paused, then met Beckett's eyes with a grin, "_dirty laundry _here."

Beckett laughed, picking up on the private joke, then agreed. "You're right. I _would_ kill you."

"Aww, come on," Ryan said, "surely you have something you can share with us."

"Well," Josh began, sending another glance in Beckett's direction, "I remember this one time back at college… surely college stories are okay, Kate?"

Beckett grinned. "Just keep it PG."

Josh chuckled. "I'll try. So, in our dorms, we had shared bathrooms, right? And then this one night there's a knock on my door, and there's Kate standing there all damp, wearing only a towel… turns out one of the guys a few doors down, a real creep, had seen her heading to the shower and had locked her door after she left, hoping to get a bit of a show when she got back to her door and couldn't get back in. So she shows up and I let her into my room, thinking she just wants to hang there while I get the Resident Advisor to come let her back into her own room. But no. Instead she borrows one of my hoodies and a pair of sweatpants, and goes to find the guy who locked her door."

Josh paused, shooting a proud grin in her direction.

"And then?" Castle spoke up suddenly, seeming unable to control himself.

"And then she broke his nose," Josh answered, grinning wider. "Turns out he'd been doing the same thing to other girls on the floor, but after Kate got to him… well, let's just say that no one else got locked out of their rooms after that."

The others laughed, and Beckett responded to their amused comments with a casual shrug.

"Asshole deserved it," she said simply, unable to hold back a grin.

"Come on, you gotta have some more stories you can share," Ryan said, and Josh chuckled.

"Well, there was this one time… involving live chickens and a lot of red paint…"

###

It was getting late by the time the others began to leave. Montgomery was the first to go, explaining that he wanted to get home in time to kiss his daughters goodnight. Ryan followed shortly after, taking his leave with a small wave, mumbling an apologetic goodbye that seemed to contain the words "Jenny" and "honeymilk".

For a while longer the six of them continue to joke and chat, swapping stories and simply relaxing. Several times Beckett caught the significant looks that were being exchanged between Lanie and Esposito, and so was completely unsurprised when Lanie spoke up just a few minutes later.

"Well, Beckett, this has been lovely but I think it's time for us to hit the road," she said, as both of them rose from their places on the couch. Standing and sending them both a knowing grin, Beckett stepped forward to give her best friend a tight hug.

"Of course," she said, adding, "Thank you both so much for coming."

"Anytime, honey," Lanie replied, squeezing her tighter before whispering quietly in her ear, "Good luck, girl."

Pulling away, Beckett gave her a wry look before turning to nod at Esposito.

Beckett had just closed the door behind the two of them when Josh and Paul also rose, carefully stepping around the scattered chairs.

"Actually, Katie, we might go too," Josh spoke up, his voice apologetic. "I'm sorry to ditch you, but have an early shift in the morning and it's probably past time I was in bed."

"Don't apologize," Beckett responded easily, lifting on her toes to wrap her arms around her tall friend in a brief hug. "I'm just glad you guys could make it."

Josh gave her an affectionate squeeze, then let go, stepping back and favouring her with a genuine smile. "Glad we could come."

Beckett grinned back, then gave Paul a quick, friendly hug before stepping back and opening the door for them.

"Night, guys," she said warmly, lifting her hand in a small wave as the two of them crossed over the threshold and into the hallway.

Then, with matching grins and matching farewell waves, they were gone, Josh slinging an arm over Paul's shoulders as they headed for the elevator.

Closing the door, Beckett swallowed slightly, her stomach tightening just slightly now that she and Castle were completely alone. Turning, she found him already cleaning up, setting the chairs back in their proper places, a teatowel slung over his shoulder. The whole scene was so domestic, so seemingly natural, that she felt her breath hitch just slightly, the tightness in her stomach turning into a swarm of butterflies.

She hadn't realised how much she _wanted_ domestic. Or maybe she just wanted him.

Shaking her head slightly, she pushed away from the door and went over to join him by the coffee table, silently gathering together the empty bottles.

Castle broke the silence first. "So, Paul seems like a nice guy."

Midway through reaching for a bottle, Beckett faltered slightly at his words– and the direction they were clearly leading– before swiftly recovering herself, casually grabbing the bottle as she answered.

"Yeah, he's great. Seems like he and Josh have been together forever."

"They make a cute couple."

Castle's voice was mild, his words genuine, but she knew him well enough to catch the slight inflection in his tone, the tiny hint betraying the emotion– Hurt? Anger? Confusion?– that he was working hard to keep well hidden.

Guilt bloomed, the bitter taste of it filling her mouth. Silently she carried the bottles to the kitchen, putting them down on the counter before taking a deep breath and turning toward him.

"Look, Castle…" she began, then hesitated, trying to find the words. Wiping his damp hands with the tea-towel, Castle waited, watching her with an unreadable expression, his eyes dark, shuttered.

Trying to pretend like this _wasn't_ one of the most important conversations she was quite possibly ever going to have, Beckett took a breath, steeling herself as she forced herself to go on.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. About Josh and I, and what we were," she said, then cleared her throat slightly before continuing, "Or, more importantly, what we _weren't_. I just… well, for a long time I didn't even realize that you thought we were together."

Beckett drew in a breath, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve. "I guess I just assumed that he'd told you who he was, that day back at the precinct, but after some of the things you said, I started to wonder. So I asked him about it, and he admitted to deliberately letting you think… letting you think that there was something going on, between the two of us. And so I waited, waiting for you to ask about it outright, but you never did, and I suppose I just didn't quite know how to bring it up. So I kind of just let it go. I guess I figured it didn't matter much anyway."

Biting her lip, she trailed off, and Castle crossed his arms across his chest, momentarily drawing her attention to the way his biceps strained against the fabric of his sleeves. Swiftly snapping herself out of it, she glanced back up at his eyes, meeting his gaze just as he began to speak, his voice low, questioning.

"Why would he deliberately make me think you guys were a couple?"

"He just…" Beckett began, unsure of how to explain, how much to reveal. "You have to understand, Josh is like a big brother to me, and he can get a little protective. I suppose you could say that he didn't really… he didn't really like you much at first."

Castle took a small step forward, his eyes boring intently into hers, willing her to make him understand.

"Why? I'm your partner, why should he dislike me?"

Ignoring the little flutter she felt at the word 'partner'– she was still getting used to the whole concept, even though she was fairly sure she'd subconsciously already accepted him as such for a while now– Beckett shook her head, leaning a hip against the counter as she answered.

"Look, don't worry about it, it was just a stupid protectiveness thing, that's all. But I think that he really felt bad about it, and wanted to fix things. He actually asked if he could bring Paul along tonight, so you could see that things were not exactly as he made them out to be."

Pausing, she bit her lip, holding his eyes with hers.

"I really am sorry, Castle. I know I didn't exactly lie to you, but I wasn't honest, either, and that was wrong of me. You're– you're my partner, and partners should always be honest with each other. I promise I won't keep anything like that from you again."

Her words were followed by several moments of silence, Castle meeting her gaze searchingly, as if seeking answers that might be hidden there. Conscious of the suddenly slightly erratic rhythm of her heartbeat, Beckett held his gaze steadily; after close to three years, she was done with hiding from him. She was done with secrets, and walls, and she was definitely done with being afraid of the only thing she truly wanted.

A few more seconds passed before his eyes seemed to widen slightly, and suddenly he looked away, one hand coming up to run through his hair as he blew out a long, heavy sigh.

"Well, if we're going to do the whole honesty and apologies thing," he began slowly, lifting his eyes to meet hers once more, "then there's probably a few things I need to say, too."

Taking a deep breath, he went on. "First apology: this summer. I should never have just left like that. What I did was… well, it was cheap and vindictive, and god, if I could take it back, I would. I already made myself apologize to Gina– honestly, I was such a complete ass that we were already fighting again before we even reached the beach house. It was less than a week before she simply couldn't stand it anymore and left."

"So, I'm sorry. For not calling, for generally being a jerk, all of it," he said, his mouth quirking slightly at her, though his eyes were deadly serious. "And, second and final apology…"

He let the sentence hang, taking a small step forward. Beckett stood unmoving, completely motionless but for the frenzied swarming of the butterflies deep in her stomach, scarcely remembering to breathe as she stared up at him.

His eyes holding hers, he spoke again, his voice low and deep. "I'm sorry for kissing you."

Caught completely off guard, Beckett sucked in a swift breath, struggling to form a coherent response to his unexpected admission. "I– Castle, you don't– you don't have to apologize for that. It was a good cover– we never would have gotten past the guard if you hadn't taken that initiative."

"I'm glad you think so," he said quietly, his voice deep and warm as his eyes held hers. She was just trying to decipher the strange light in his eyes when he spoke again, his words instantly capturing her attention. "But that wasn't what I was talking about."

His eyes fixed intently on hers, he stepped forward, his hands lifting to frame her face, his thumbs lightly stroking her temples. Lowering his head, he brought his lips within millimeters of hers, her eyes fluttering shut as his breath feathered warmly against her lips.

His voice low and irresistably husky, he murmured, "This is."

With that, he closed the gap, gently covering her lips with his. She could feel her heart pounding wildly against her ribs, her hands lifting to clutch his shirt, her fingers digging into the soft fabric as his mouth moved softly over hers, his kiss gentle but with an undercurrent of such tightly-restained passion and wanting that it left her breathless.

Holding onto him tightly, she let go of everything else, all the uncertainty and the fear and the hesitation, everything she had clung to like a shield since the day they'd met. She simply let go– and finally, she was free.

Lifting higher on her toes, she parted her lips for him, deepening the kiss with a sense of urgency borne of far too many months of desire and self-denial. She felt him start slightly in surprise– caught off guard by the intensity of her response– before he swiftly recovered, kissing her back hard, his mouth hot and insistent over hers. One of his hands went to her back, drawing her closer, and she responded, pressing herself against him as she wound her arms around his neck. Backing her up against the counter, he swiftly reached down and lifted her easily, placing her on the countertop and moving in close, her knees parting to accommodate him before drawing in tight against his hips.

Neither ever noticed the loud, hollow clatter as a few empty bottles hit the floor, rolling unseen across the linoleum to come to rest against furniture or in corners. Beckett had no attention to spare for anything or anyone but Castle, a small moan rumbling in her throat as he explored her mouth, his large hands doing some exploring of their own beneath her shirt, leaving delicious trails of warmth on her already tingling skin. Digging her fingers into his hair, Beckett kissed him with everything she had, everything she'd held back for so long, and he returned the kiss with a fire that equaled hers in its sheer ferocity and depth.

Eventually, she managed to pull herself away just slightly, breathing hard.

"Castle," she gasped out, her voice a throaty half-whisper.

Having been contenting himself with trailing hot kisses along her jaw and throat, Castle paused and lifted his head, his eyes meeting hers, hot and dark and hungry.

"Mmm?"

Pulling his face back down to hers, she pressed her lips to his in a hard, brief kiss.

"Apology accepted."

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><p><em>Well, hope you guys enjoyed this little bit of silliness (okay, so maybe I had a lot of fun with my little twist on the whole Josh-Beckett thing) and as always, if you noticed any errors or found any part to be out of character, please let me know and I'll do my best to fix it. And of course, thanks for reading!<em>

_PS- Any Side By Side reader/reviewers out there, I know it has been forever and you probably don't even care, but I want you to know that I will be replying to all of the chapter 10 reviews as soon as time allows. But for now, let me assure you that each one meant a lot to me, and I'm incredibly grateful to all of you. Thank you guys so much._


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